Crush
by Shibby1
Summary: Subaru/Seishirou, spoilers for December's Issue of Asuka, so if ya haven't gotten that far, mebbe don't read. My take on those events


SPOILER WARNING!!! Heavy heavy heavy on the spoilers for December's issue of Asuka, as well as some manipulating of the actual happenings on my part. Don't wanna be spoiled, DON'T READ! None of these characters are mine, I'm in no way associated with CLAMP...'cept I'm a rabid fan of theirs that likes to borrow their characters and write poorly written stories about em.   
  
#1 Crush  
  
Seishirou watched the sleeping form beside him, the lithe pale body sleeping nude on his side over the expensively tasteful silk sheets of his bed. He reached over to run a finger gently across a delicate cheekbone, too high to be entirely masculine, but indefinately not feminen. Simply beautiful.   
  
Seishirou's hand moved to grace the sleeping form's jawline, then let his fingers trace a familiar path over the ethereal lines of the body beside him, to come to a pause over the slight raise of hip. The simple act of touching the form beside him sent an electric jolt of an emotion unnameable and foriegn to the assassin. It was enough to entice and inspire hunger...he could devour the form beside him with his eyes for hours, and not grow tired of it.   
  
The form shivered slightly under the assassin's warm touch, Seishirou's eyes ran back up to the beautiful face of the person he was sharing his bed with. Features he had watched for years...ones that he craved, longed for, violated his values as the Sakurazukamori for. Slowly, the figure's eyes blinked open. One a brilliant emerald green...the other as milky as Seishirou's own. Seishirou had taken the liberty of removing the bandage from the freshly healed eye earlier the night before.   
  
"Seishirou-san..." The soft wisper of a faintly male voice filtered like silk through Seishirou's waking senses.   
  
[I would die for you...  
I would die for you...  
I've been dying just to feel you by my side  
...To know that you're mine]  
  
A slow, languid smile reached the Sakurazukamori's lips. He moved the hand resting on the other's hip to brush softly through silky raven hair, causing the green-eyed man to allow a small smile as well, leaning in an almost feline way after the hand at the tender touch. A small sigh escaped the ethereal body, and he pulled himself closer to Seishirou, winding his arms around his chest, resting his head against the warm expanse.   
  
"Ohayou, Subaru-kun.." Seishirou murmured leaning his head down to rest his lips against Subaru's hair. He breathed in the soft sweet scent of his prey mixed with the musky scent of sex, closing his mismatched eyes for the moment. The omnyouji had him under a spell it seemed...a spell not even Seishirou could break.   
  
The assassin had been waiting for his chance at the younger Omnyouji since the moment he returned to him at the age of 16. He'd seized the opportunity when interrupted by Subaru while feeding the only master Seishirou had ever known. His prey never ceased to astound or amuse him, so bent on stopping Seishirou, trying to change the Sakurazukamori's ways, and so intent on his revenge. He made an easy target for Seishirou's charming smile, and honey coated words. There was no resistance when the older man took him in his arms and claimed his lips with his own.   
  
Subaru followed him home with an almost eagerness that he might have met had he approached Subaru the right way when he was 16, and still a confused boy. Subaru had hardly changed. He was still innocent and naive...though marred with years of self abuse. No one, or thing, was more beautiful to Seishirou.   
  
[I will cry for you...  
I will cry for you...  
I will wash away your pain with all my tears  
...And drown your fears]  
  
He couldn't allow himself to become attatched to Subaru, though, he continually told himself. Lying to himself had become a routine for the older man. Old enough to know damn well just how attatched he was. After all, why would he leave this gorgeous green eyed boy to live? Because his soul moved him to compassion? No. Because he felt want, hunger, and some other unameable tie to his long-time prey. But it wasn't possible. He couldn't allow himself to feel. Emotions were a weakness.   
  
Seishirou had closed his eyes first after taking Subaru, panting heavily and burrying his face in the ebony strands of the Omnyouji's hair to catch his breath. It was the most intoxicatingly perfect thing he had ever felt in his life, being burried deeply inside the body of his prey. He felt complete...he felt whole. It wasn't the same as when he took Subaru as a boy, deeply asleep with the aid of one of his binding spells after a strenuous battle, and a heroic rescue from Seishirou when the job went wrong. Then it was more like easy pleasure to sate the constant need, simply to watch Subaru's beautiful body react, moan, arch; all while enclosed safely in a net of peaceful slumber...he wondered what Subaru dreamt about at those times. Seishirou heard Subaru's whispered confession of love barely audiable against his neck as loud as an explosion dealt by Fuuma after the passionate lovemaking, his breath still coming slightly heavily, his voice husky and sensuous in an innocent, almost confused way. At that moment, everything made sense.   
  
[I will pray for you...  
I will pray for you...  
I will sell my soul for something pure and true  
...Someone like you]   
  
Seishirou leaned back slightly from Subaru's hair to watch him again, then pulled away slowly from the beautiful man's entangled limbs to stand at the side of the bed. He offered his hand to Subaru, met with wide eyes blinked confusedly up at him. He could have taken him again right there. A slight smile graced the exquisitely handsome features of the assassin's face, and Subaru took his hand.   
  
[See your face every place that I walk in  
Hear your voice every time that I'm talking  
You will believe in me  
...And I will never be ignored]   
  
Seishirou kissed the omnyouji, tasting Subaru's tainted perfection. The taste was Seishirou's addiction. He enjoyed Subaru's awkward actions in returning his kiss, the act more pleasing than any skilled lover Seishirou had taken. Another thing Seishirou found intruiging about his prey...Subaru hadn't been with anyone else. That fact alone elated Seishirou's interest, making Subaru just that much more desireable. Just that much more his. However...   
  
"Gather your clothing, and be gone before I get back from the shower," Seishirou whispered softly against Subaru's lips, his voice cold and emotionless, watching as Subaru's eyes opened and blinked; pain and betrayal collided with confusion in the exotic pools. His body stiffened against Seishirou's then pulled away, looking down at the floor in shame. The Sakurazukamori watched impassively as Subaru slowly gathered his clothing. If Subaru hadn't grown so withdrawn over his years of lonliness, he would have cried at that moment.   
  
[I will burn for you...  
Feel pain for you...  
I will twist the knife and bleed my aching heart  
...And tear it apart]   
  
Seishirou had never felt anything for anyone else as long as he could remember. He let his eyes follow the frail, painfully thin omnyouji, drowning in his own internal conflicts as he gathered the carelessly discarded garments, and he felt the constricting of something inside of him. His face betrayed nothing. Not a hint of emotion, save a small downward twitch of the corner of his mouth. His control was never strong enough to mask all his bitterness.   
  
The assassin turned, leaving Subaru alone...again. Subaru glanced up as he heard the door to the bathroom click shut, and his eyes slowly filled with the hot salty liquid he refused to let fall. He'd given everything to Seishirou, and gotten nothing in return. He felt used, mentally beaten, and Seishirou's casual words were his breaking point. He felt numb, like being thrown into freezing water. He hurt like Seishirou had ripped his heart out, and in a way, the assassin had. At that moment, he knew his Wish.   
  
He left after dressing, walking instead of taking a cab from Seishirou's apartment to the Imonoyama Mansion. The tears finally falling unnoticedly from empty eyes over his pale cheeks, as a cool wind tousled and carried the faint lingering smell of sakura from his hair.   
  
Seishirou ran water almost hot enough to scald, tilting his head back to wet his hair and let the water run streams down his body, washing away Subaru's scent and essence. He told Subaru what he needed to hear, even if it would disrupt everything Subaru's fragile soul stood on. Even if it forced Seishirou to feel...something he was entirely too uncomfortable with...   
  
[I will lie for you...  
Beg and steal for you...  
I will crawl on hands and knees until you see  
...you're just like me]   
  
Subaru had been sent to the Rainbow Bridge by their dreamseer. He'd convinced himself he was changed, hardened, he wouldn't feel pain anymore, or so he kept repeating to himself...today, he would die. He was incomplete, and permanently scarred. He inhaled from the cigarette in his hand, the smoke no longer soothing or relaxing to his nerves, he hated it; hated it because it reminded Subaru of Him. The same empty eyes surveyed the bridge for any signs of his counterpart, the nagging feeling of His presence approaching.   
  
Seishirou watched Subaru approach the latest targeted kekkai, stepping over the bleeding body he'd freshly disposed of carelessly, as the spirit of the sakura tree quickly pulled the body to its hungry depths. He frowned on the reminants of the kill on his sleeve, the blood would ruin his suit, just like the others always did. The Sakurazukamori moved towards the Omnyouji he'd seen only days before, a slow, predatory smile complimented Seishirou's features as he placed a hand on the younger man's shoulder, disrupting Subaru from whatever trail of thought he'd lost himself in.   
  
[Violate all the love that I'm missing  
Throw away all the pain that I'm living  
You will believe in me  
...and I can never be ignored]   
  
The conversation between them seemed blurred to Seishirou. Unimportant. The usual polite banter he innitiated whenever encountering his favourite prey. Light teasing and friendly faux smiles, bright mismatched eyes met with angry, frustrated green and white. The only words that stuck out in Seishirou's mind, were as Subaru shrugged the older man's hand away.   
  
"I've changed," Subaru said, with an almost frustrating calm, "you changed me."   
  
Seishirou knew he was going to die. He could feel something inside of him twist, and he casually reached for the cigarette still burning from Subaru's hand with blood covered fingers, staining the white paper, taking it out of the younger man's grip to inhale from it, as if to simply shrug off Subaru's words. Words that left him slightly confused, though ultimately knowing.   
  
"You've killed someone here," Subaru accused, his one green eye lighting up with a fire that could have resembled hatred...unless you knew what to look for. Subaru was filled with despair. He hurt, and hated the pain that seared his soul, and anger that consumed him, caused by the older assassin...but he could never hate Seishirou himself. He couldn't let this go on anymore...   
  
The omnyouji reached into his pocket and gracefully drew his ofuda, twisting his hand to splay them in a fan as sudden winds lifted his long coat and hair, sending them towards the dark figure of his torture with a quick horizontal slash of his arm, determination overtaking his features as the ofuda warped into a flock of white birds. The battle that Subaru had been fearing his entire life had begun...his Wish would be fulfilled.   
  
[I would die for you...]   
  
Seishirou smoothly deflected the attacks, taking each one in stride without breaking so much as a sweat, his trademark falcon shikigami defending and lunging, shredding the small birds of Subaru's with shrill triumphant cries. Subaru was good...but Seishirou was better. Subaru wasn't ready for a fight like this, and as much as Seishirou enjoyed playing with his prey, it was time to make his move.   
  
Seishirou sent his shikigami with an elaborate wave of his arm towards Subaru, distracting the younger man into chanting another spell as Seishirou advanced at a pace not much slower than his falcon. As Subaru opened his eyes to dispatch the spell, Seishirou pounced, wrapping an arm around the Omnyouji's shoulders and pulling his other arm back, as his hand flattened out. Subaru's eyes widened and his words caught in his throat, simply staring with shock into Seishirou's eyes before a small flicker of relief rippled through his soul. His wish...   
  
Seishirou smiled softly, then deployed the attack, sending his hand tearing through the air towards his prey's heart, an utter calm claiming Seishirou's mind. The shikigami continued its decent at lightning speed, switching course slightly under a mental order to aim for the bridge.   
  
An explosion; darkness; wild eyes flickered to both emerald for a fleeting second. Hokuto's last spell had claimed Seishirou, he felt elation for the last time. Then pain...   
  
[I would kill for you...]   
  
Pain beyond anything Seishirou had felt before, pain that seared, burned, and tore at his every being as Subaru's hand stabbed through his chest, Seishirou's blood splattering himself and the beautiful omnyouji. Atlast, he was free of his bonds, and he could look upon Subaru without having to mask everything...without having to hide. Seishirou slowly sank to his knees with the younger man held closely to him.   
  
[I will steal for you...]   
  
Subaru suddenly snapped back to himself, and a look of utter horror took over his features. He saw his hand through the man he hated...loved...devoted his life to. He couldn't think, couldn't see, couldn't breathe...his mind went blank, and his circling thoughts became verbal.   
  
"Why...why...how..."   
  
Subaru wasn't aware of his chant as he slowly let the scene sink in. Tears filled his eyes as his soul screamed in agony. This wasn't the way it was supposed to happen!! How did it happen? Why! His mind screamed and his eyes continued to stare in terrified panic.   
  
[I'd do time for you...]   
  
Seishirou left his face burried in Subaru's shirt, breathing unevenly...he wouldn't voice his pain. He could feel the life seeping out of the wound in his chest as Subaru abruptly pulled his hand out.   
  
"Your sister's final spell using her own life to cast..." Seishirou said softly, his voice was dull to him, as was Subaru's when he replied. He couldn't really hear, but he felt warm...was this love? Or was it just the blood covering his body? He blinked slightly as Subaru's voice faded back into focus, taken aback by Subaru's Wish.   
  
[I will wait for you...]   
  
Subaru wanted an escape from his pain...his Wish was to die at Seishirou's hand. He wanted to forget everything, to die in peace, his tears began to flow for the second time that week. But now his wish wouldn't be fulfilled. How could it when he killed his reason for breathing? His reason for living.   
  
[I'd make room for you...]   
  
Seishirou reached up to touch a hand to Subaru's face, and smiled softly. He murmured reassuring words to the smaller man, unwilling to see such grief over the features that looked more beautiful to him right now than he could ever possibly remember them as. He saw them in a different light, forced by the colour fading from his vision. So beautiful...so unreal.   
  
[I'd sail ships for you...]   
  
Seishirou wrapped his arms around Subaru, then pulled him close. He used the last of his remaining strength to nuzzle up to his ear. He still smelled the same to the assassin. Warm; inviting; his...   
  
[To be close to you...]   
  
"I love you..." Seishirou murmered, as a slow comforting feeling swept over him. He could feel the Sakura tree pulling at his soul, the bind stronger than any prey pulling him to his eternal prision; his few moments of freedom nearly over. His arms loosened around Subaru, and his body slumped against him against his will, as the crimson fluid keeping him alive pooled around his knees. I'm sorry Subaru...Seishirou's last thought drifted slowly through his fading mind, wishing he had the strength to say it. A single tear slid out of the corner of his eye...the only tear Seishirou had ever shed in his life as the Sakurazukamori; shed for Subaru. The crystaline beacon of emotion slid over his pale cheek, soaking into Subaru's shirt...then the last tendrils of consciousness escaped him, his tree finally claiming his broken soul.   
  
[To be part of you...]   
  
Subaru said nothing, the tears streaming down his cheeks testiment enough of how he felt. Seishirou didn't give him the words he expected to hear...and he loved him for it. But now...Subaru had no purpose. His drive to live was dead in his arms. His tears began anew, and his heart, though he thought it dead, wrenched into a painful knot. He pulled Seishirou closer to him and stiffled a sob in the older man's hair as his shattered mind rationalized his next course of action.   
  
['Cause I believe in you...]   
  
Subaru carefully lay Seishirou's lifeless body in his lap, he simply stared at him for a moment, before leaning over, his tears spilling over Seishirou's peaceful expression as he kissed his still warm lips. He reached into the pocket of his crimson stained jacket, pulling out his last ofuda, the paper slightly bent from being pushed to the bottom of his pocket. The tears never ceased as he recited the soft incantation that turned the paper into a jagged blade.   
  
[I believe in you...]   
  
Subaru placed both hands on its hilt, and positioned the tip over his heart, returning his eyes to Seishirou's face. The face with features that haunted his dreams...filled his nightmares...killed his sister, and his soul, and made him a victim...yet he loved them. He could hear Kamui screaming his name in the distance, but that distance was too far to acknowledge it...   
  
"I love you too..." Subaru whispered softly, keeping tear stained eyes on Seishirou as he plunged the knife deeply into his chest, choking on a gasp as the knife tore a blindingly painful path through him. He pulled the knife out of him with shaking, pale hands, releasing it with a deafening clatter to the ground beside Seishirou's body. Subaru's life force pulsed out of the gaping wound, and the younger man's consciousness was rapidly growing dim. The bridge began to collapse as its structure gave out from the explosion of Seishirou's shikigami from earlier, and Subaru finally collapsed lifelessly over his lover's chest, his expression peaceful for the first time in years as his soul soon joined the assassin's in their condemned eternity.   
  
[I would die for you...]   
  
  
~owari~   
  
Reviews? Please?  
  



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